I was going to write up a lovely little blog about the three bean stew I just made for Shorty and I, but it is not to be. I am instead going to rail against Jerry Ahern.

For those of you not familiar with Jerry Ahern, he is a gun-rag writer. He published some years ago a series called The Survivalist—The Survivalist was one of those mid-80s action adventure man-book about the aftermath of a nuclear war from the point of view of the intrepid hero John Thomas Rourke. Remember what Mel Gibson’s character said about three names in the movie Conspiracy Theory? “All serial killers have three names-John Wyane Gacy for example”. Well, JTR in Ahern’s books is the ultimate fighting man, nothing can stop him no matter the odds. It was the fan-boy series of the time.

It seems that Jerry Ahern has written a survival book and he is pimping it in the Blue Press. I know this because I received my copy today. Let me say that Ahern has been in the fantasy business for some time, he’s been touting Detonics pistols and various other firearms since they came out and as we all know, the Detonics pistols are almost vaporware—I only know one person who has actually owned a Detonics and he bought it by chance. This article Ahern wrote for the Blue Press is more fantasy, only this time its fantasy from the 1980s, thus outdated fantasy.

He is outlining his choice for survival firearms, or as he puts it TEOTWAWKI. Now I like to dream of TEOTWAWKI, I have frequent fantasies while driving in traffic of a day when I am the only person on the road but for a select few other survivors, most of them are being blown away with random blasts from my sawed-off shotgun a la Mad Max, but that’s another fantasy for another time. No, Ahern’s problem is not that he’s giving out information on survival, although I’d take his advice with two grains of salt and a match to his book, it’s that he’s giving this advice like he knows what he’s talking about. Because of this, people will accept it as fact due to the fact he managed to get published. Kinda like Rawles, another stupid fucker.

Again, I digress.

First off, Ahern touts the standard “battery” of firearms for survival. Like many stupid people, Ahern thinks that he can buy a range of firearms that will do double duty for him at the EOTW. Not true. There are defensive firearms and hunting firearms. While the ammo might overlap, the weapons themselves are as different from each other as say, bows and flint locks. Now Ahern suggests several calibers for the EOTW and I can’t say that I disagree with the calibers, but the rifles that he lists as suggestions are far from the finest in the category. Let’s look at the calibers. The .308 the 7.62x39 and the 5.56. All are respectable calibers. His reasoning however is not so much. He starts out okay, saying the sporting firearms are not meant for the volume of fire but then lapses into the “go cheap” argument and begins to name his firearms.

First up the CETME. According to Ahern this is an inexpensive rifle that will use G3 parts and mags. EXCUSE ME, JERRY, HAVE YOU PRICED THE CETME LATELY? I know that I bought mine very inexpensively, but the prices are now in the six hundred-plus range. For another couple hundred dollars I can get a far better rifle in the AR range, with more options and accessories. HE fails to mention that like all of the rifles based on this design, it is a pain in the ass the tear down. Cleaning a CETME or an HK-based rifle takes a hammer. Well, maybe not, but there are far simpler weapons to clean. As for the mags, he states that the mags can be had for as little as three bucks. Again, I’m not sure where he’s getting his info, but the last time I looked, they were creeping up to the twenty-five dollar mark. He also says that the CETME and G3 mags are interchangeable, not in my rifle they are not. Mine hates the G3 mag. His bitch about the CETME is the sling. THE SLING? For Christ’s Sake, Jerry, the SLING? How about the backwards controls, the less than stellar locking rollers of the bolt which on most models takes more than a man and a small boy to cock.

Other than that, the CETME is an accurate rifle and I like mine. But it is not my choice for a go-to rifle.

His next choice is the WASR AK-variant. THE WASR? Of all the AK models out there, he picks the one with the worst reputation for quality control. The worst. Now I’m not an AK guy, I admit that. I’ve had one, count them, one AK, it was a WASR and it didn’t work. I have a buddy who is an AK guy and he hates the WASR. I hate the WASR. Anyone with a brain hates the WASR. Com’on Jerry, you were the fucking president of Detonics, you didn’t get that quality control is the number ONE seller of a firearm?

His next choice is the, hold on boys and girls, his next choice is the FUCKING MINI-14. That’s right, the most sensitive rifle to magazines and ammo out there. He touts this rifle as a having a problem of “heating up”. Now wasn’t that one of his opening reason for not picking a fucking sporting firearm as a defensive weapon? Let’s look back at the beginning of the article and see…oh yes here it is. “A high volume of fire will likely heat them up beyond what would happen with a military sporter”. WHY IN GODS NAME WOULD YOU SAY THIS AND THEN SUGGEST THAT THEY BUY ONE AS A DEFENSIVE FIREARM YOU DUMB CUNT?

Now I’ve owned the Mini-14. I actually am one who liked mine, but I did many things to it beyond the norm. I had a Butler Creek folder on it, a forward, barrel mounted red dot, and good, dependable high capacity magazine for it from Black Warrior, the only after market brand I would recommend for this rifle. NO other NONE. What does he recommend? Pro Mags. If not the worst, one of the worst magazines for this rifle (or any other rifle or pistol) in existence. They fail at such a high rate that the trash barrel after three guns competitions are littered with them. PRO FUCKING MAGS.

Does he even train with his rifle? I doubt it. I doubt he has more than a mag through his rifle.

Not only does he suggest the Mini 14, but he then goes on to say if you don’t like the 5.56, try out the Mini-30. Okay, this rifle is so bad that not even the FACTORY mags work in it.

Christ.

He defends the Mini-14 argument by saying that it is far less expensive than the AR. Again, what fucking planet are you living on? Last time I looked, the Mini 14 was up in the five to seven hundred dollar range, depending on the edition you were looking at. For a couple hundred dollars more you can own a far more dependable rifle in the AR with better magazines and more accessories than you can shake a stick at.

Jerry, are you insane?

He then talks about shotguns. I am not a proponent of the shotgun as a defensive firearm. I don’t even count it in my defensive battery because the niche the shotgun serves is better filed by—oh, you guessed it, the AR. Regardless, I can’t disagree with his shotgun choice because it is pretty much the same as my own personal set-up for when I have to teach; the Remington 870. He also talks about the .22LR for the battery, but I’m not even going to deem this with a full response. Like I said before in my opening, there are defensive rifles and hunting rifles. Let’s face it; the .22 really doesn’t fit either category. You can agrue until you are blue in the face about this, but it is a plinker or a training caliber. I have a .22LR drop in kit for my AR and training. I’m not going to depend on the .22LR for getting one for the pot, not so much.

Then he speaks of pistols. Now Jerry made his name on the Detonics coattails. He wrote about The Survivalist, but it was all about the firearms. His first two picks or his logic I really have no problem with; the Sig P229 and the Glock 22. Now personally, while I have owned both and still own a G22, my go to is neither. It is a G19. But for his reasoning; he says that local LEOs carry them and so to him they are proven--I have to say that not all the firearms the police carry are proven, some are bought because of the discount. Think about that folks. Now comes his leap of logic. If you have to scavenge off the dead bodies, specifically dead police officers, you want a caliber you are likely to find.

This right here begs a full blog. I will resist.

Jerry, if you don’t have your firearm ammo on hand before TSHTF, forget about it. Dead bodies are not going to help you. Not at all. You are going to come out the other end with the shit you had going in to get you there, hoping to load your Detonics Combat Master from the wreckage of the local Sporty Mart because you forgot to pick up that box of WWB at WalMart just ain’t gonna happen.

His next choices are the piece de resistance. A 1911 and the SW686. Now I own both, I have several 1911’s. I love them. But it is not the firearm I am going to be toting when the End is nigh. The 1911 is let's face it people, heavy, limited in ammo capacity requires more than a passing knowledge and skill to use. The SW686 is pretty much the same argument; plus the fact that a speed loader is rather slow unless you simply practice weekly with reloads. Again, his reasoning, the caliber is something you will readily find is a fallacy, if you're looking for ammo, how many other people will be as well? Are you going to shoot it out with them just to get that ammo that you should have already had? Think about this, Jerry.

Now I read The Survivalist as a young lad, they were probably one of the reasons I got into prepping. But as I got older, took training and had a shit load of life experience pertaining to pointing firearms at people and training others to do so, I realized that the old “Tried and True” were not so much.

To wind up this rant, I’m going to give you MY battery, both Hunting and Defensive firearms that I currently stock for.

Defense firearms. Simple and to the point; we here at the Coppound are going to be toting AR15’s. Shorty and I both have AR’s and we use them well. We have numerous mags for them and keep them loaded and handy. The AR loaded with a 62 grain battle round will take care of any problem that the .308 can and do it better and with less fuss. The ammo is lighter, the mags hold more rounds and I can carry more of them. The rifle is designed for optics for CQB fighting. With the collapsible stocks, it can fit numerous body types and the round is not nearly as punishing to shoot over long periods. I can take 100 meter headshots with my AR as long as I do my part and out to 150 meters the optics are far faster than iron sights. Most engagements are not going to be beyond that range and if you are engaging further than that, I have to ask—why?

Because pistols are a personal choice, the pistol I will be either my G17/19 or my G22 or G21. A high capacity, proven firearm that is A) simple to operate B) simple to care for C) has very few parts (32 in all, including the frame and slide) D) I have a shit load of magazines and ammo for. She will be toting her SW4516. We will back them up with J-framed .38s.

That’s it folks, the defensive battery. No shotguns, not a .308 Battle Rifle, not the uber XCM1204.

For hunting, while I have numerous rifles and shotguns, for TEOTWAWKI it will be my Winchester Featherweight .308 topped with a Leupold 3x9. With my hand loads, I can take anything in the lower 48. I will be backing it up with a Remington 870 Wingmaster in 12 gauge and my Antonio Zoli O/U in 20 gauge.

Really, this is a conversation for another post. But to wrap this up—if you are going to read Jerry’s survival stuff, remember, he made his bones writing fiction about a man who could never exist in the real world. His version of survival, at least his firearm advice, is pretty much in the same vein. It’s a good story, but not very practical.